Hi, well here it is thursday night almost 1 am and i am online searching for jobs yet again,i saw my therapist today AGAIN actually saw his yesterday also. i know its been a bad week when i have seen him 2 times in 1 week.. i had stopped going to him for about 6 weeks during the holidays cause so many things were going on with me that i felt kinda bad telling him how bad things were.i have seen him on and off for 5 years now since my divorce and i felt bad for him that he would have to listen to me tell him i had made some bad choices in my life so i stopped going ( bigg mistake) i fell deeper into depression over those 6 weeks and i am going to rty to see him more regular again , i do feel sooo much better after we talk , i am still jobless and facing eviction but regardless it been a goos step to go back to him, tomorrow my power bill is needing to be paid and well no money so in all likeliness i will be shut off come early next week. i have been on a payment plan with them , a two payment plan , i mad the first one but cant make the 2nd , at which time i will get a 48 hour termination letter joy more good news huh,i really wish i could have something really great to say but i feel consumed with bills , no job and my kids who i am scared to death will be living in a motel with me ,and that would be just great for my ex to find that out , which would not take long as i have to keep him informed on my whereabouts so he can send my alimony payments.. well what else can i say , i kinda like this blog thing even if i am the only one who reads it well it feels good to get it all out , and if anyone feels better after reading my crazy life well that is a added bonus, i know i am not the only single mom out there and i hope by sharing that other moms can know they are not alone as well=) tonight an old friend offered to set me and the kids up in a pay by the weekly if i can not get rental help or church help or family help , and the verry sad part is , the family help is the last on my list, they all know i am jobless and that i will be evicted soon but still no one shows their face or calls or freekin nada..i grew up in a very close family but as i got older i wondered if i was lost and wound up with this family by accident.. of course i did not, but at times i wish suddenly a loving family would appear and say hey we are here for you and you are adopted,, sad but true......let me tell you about my kids a little , 2 boys 2 girls,, 2 oldest out of the house living there own lives, 2 youngest with me still 1 in elementary 1 in middle school..good kids all of them my oldest daughter well has had a veryyy difficult life strugglin with her own inner demons but all in all she is a good girl and i love her..well i guess i am done complaining for tonight i have laundry to finish and a movie i hope to watch and have to get up in 6 hours dang...i want to end this depressing post with at least 1 good thing that happened to me today and that was my oldest son is starting to learn to have empathy more with me.. i had him veryy young so him and i are more like friends but he is finally starting to see me as mom first friend 2nd and that is a great thing=) good night
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